Time, time .. for quiet.
I want to make it clear: I've nothing against entertainment. I watch TV .. I read novels voraciously and write them myself. I'm a rabid computer gamer. *grins* There's nothing wrong with entertainment.
There IS a problem, however, with living one's life for television, or novels, or computer games .. and refusing to give space for oneself and one's own thoughts. I have learned so much more about myself and, I think, become a much better person since I've started giving myself time just for myself: no television, no book, no computer. Just sitting and thinking. And it's a hard habit to get into .. I'm used to having something in front of me. But I think it's good for me to just let my mind wander. And if that's into daydreams, that's fine. The important thing is that my mind is active and creative.
But also, I know myself better. And in that knowledge, the things that I don't like I'm working to change. It's scary. I don't want to blow this off and make it sound like this is an easy task, because it's not. Sometimes the things one finds rattling around in one's head are scary .. I routinely get images of myself sick or dead. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, it means that it's a fear that comes back .. I'm not always in great health, and sometimes I almost expect to fall over at some point. Dealing with the image helps me cope with the fear. It's not easy or convenient, but I think I'm better off since I've started accepting those images.
Questions:
Do I know and like who I am? I think so. Some days more than others, of course. There are days when I don't like myself much. But most of the time, I think I like who I am. And more, I like who it is I'm becoming, because life is about becoming, not about being. Life is a process of change.
Emptiness and stillness ... it's about being alone with myself. It's about not being empty, paradoxically. When I let myself be empty, I'm also full .. I have myself. When I fear emptiness, I fear that I cannot fill it myself. When I accept it, I find so much more on the inside than can exist on the outside.
What are the advantages and disadvantages? Well, the disadvantage is in part time. There's ALWAYS something for me to do, especially with a wee widdle baby that doesn't like napping. But the advantages .. I can be alone with myself. I know who I am and I like that person. And I'm better able to deal with being with other people and being responsible for my child, because I'm stronger in myself. I know who and what I am and where I'm going, and there's very little that could be a disadvantage to outweight that.
There IS a problem, however, with living one's life for television, or novels, or computer games .. and refusing to give space for oneself and one's own thoughts. I have learned so much more about myself and, I think, become a much better person since I've started giving myself time just for myself: no television, no book, no computer. Just sitting and thinking. And it's a hard habit to get into .. I'm used to having something in front of me. But I think it's good for me to just let my mind wander. And if that's into daydreams, that's fine. The important thing is that my mind is active and creative.
But also, I know myself better. And in that knowledge, the things that I don't like I'm working to change. It's scary. I don't want to blow this off and make it sound like this is an easy task, because it's not. Sometimes the things one finds rattling around in one's head are scary .. I routinely get images of myself sick or dead. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, it means that it's a fear that comes back .. I'm not always in great health, and sometimes I almost expect to fall over at some point. Dealing with the image helps me cope with the fear. It's not easy or convenient, but I think I'm better off since I've started accepting those images.
Questions:
Do I know and like who I am? I think so. Some days more than others, of course. There are days when I don't like myself much. But most of the time, I think I like who I am. And more, I like who it is I'm becoming, because life is about becoming, not about being. Life is a process of change.
Emptiness and stillness ... it's about being alone with myself. It's about not being empty, paradoxically. When I let myself be empty, I'm also full .. I have myself. When I fear emptiness, I fear that I cannot fill it myself. When I accept it, I find so much more on the inside than can exist on the outside.
What are the advantages and disadvantages? Well, the disadvantage is in part time. There's ALWAYS something for me to do, especially with a wee widdle baby that doesn't like napping. But the advantages .. I can be alone with myself. I know who I am and I like that person. And I'm better able to deal with being with other people and being responsible for my child, because I'm stronger in myself. I know who and what I am and where I'm going, and there's very little that could be a disadvantage to outweight that.
posted by Vieva | 3:04 PM
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