I am Individual, One of Many, and part of the Divine Whole
Perspective in life really can be everything. It's so easy to see ourselves as the center of the universe, and forget that everyone else is the center of their own universe, too. And it's easy to see ourselves as nothing but a speck and forget that we're also important in ourselves.
I've never believed we create our own reality. To me, that's a way of blaming the victim. Poor people don't choose to be poor, and hungry people don't choose to be hungry. And if I was creating my reality, it would be a much healthier one, and I'd be better looking. That said, we do choose how to perceive our reality. I can easily make myself feel horribly worse by thinking only of the pain in my life, and how insignificant I am, and feel like absolutely nothing. Or I can focus on all the good things in my life, and how I'm connected to others, and all that there is for me to explore, and be happy. It's a choice. Not always an easy one (some days, life is just miserable. And of course, I'm not talking about clinical depression here .. I'm talking about the words we tell ourselves. Clinical depression is something very different, go see a doctor).
But perspective can be everything. For a long time, I could only see myself as one person among many. I didn't see anything particularly redeeming about myself, and wondered why I even existed. And the more I saw myself that way, the worse it got, because when you use only that perspective, there's nothing particularly special about any one person. It's what you do with your life that matters, and I was a college student. I hadn't done anything yet. When I changed my perspective and saw myself as special to myself, many things became easier for me. (This was not an easy change. It took a long time for me to stop thinking I was useless, to get rid of the nagging thoughts that asked why I was special. I don't want to make it sound easy .. just doable and necessary).
I am Individual, One of Many, and part of the Divine Whole. All of these are true at the same time.
Questions!
How am I individual? Well, I'm the only mommy of my son, the only wife of my husband, the only me. One of many? I'm a FlameKeeper (which makes me both individual, as I was the first, and one of many, because there are others), I'm part of a writer's group, I'm part of a group of friends, I'm part of a community, a country .. all of which are important as well. And I am part of the Divine Whole in that, simply, I exist. I bring joy and light and darkness to the Divine, as it does to me.
Do I love myself for who I am? Well, I do now. I didn't used to. I wanted to be anything else .. or I wanted who I was to be more desirable and acceptable. I had to train myself to deal with people, and I'm still not always great at it. I had to learn to accept that I would always be short, that my brother would have better hair (although he's going bald! hee!), and that I would never be classically socially acceptable. On the other hand, now I value my abilities more. I may not be classically socially acceptable, but then, I fit in well with the people that I enjoy talking to, and I don't have to spend a lot of time trying to fit in with people I don't understand. It might be better if I tried harder, but I have other things to do with my time that are more rewarding. :) There comes a time when you stop bashing your head against a brick wall. Do I love other people for who they are and being part of the Divine? I try to. Sometimes I fail with individuals .. again, I don't deal well with people often. Which makes people doing things I just don't understand hard to deal with. But I try.
How do I balance being special with being insignificant? Oddly, I find it easier to accept being special if I'm also insignificant, if it is just perspective. Because there are so many people out there, and I am just one of them. Even if I do something extraordinary, odds are good someone else could have done it at least as well given the tools. But I am also special: others might have done it as well, but they could not have done it the same way. My perspective brings a viewpoint that other perspectives cannot give. It may be a similar viewpoint, the differences may well be almost nonexistant. But I am unique, and my viewpoint therefore is too.
I've never believed we create our own reality. To me, that's a way of blaming the victim. Poor people don't choose to be poor, and hungry people don't choose to be hungry. And if I was creating my reality, it would be a much healthier one, and I'd be better looking. That said, we do choose how to perceive our reality. I can easily make myself feel horribly worse by thinking only of the pain in my life, and how insignificant I am, and feel like absolutely nothing. Or I can focus on all the good things in my life, and how I'm connected to others, and all that there is for me to explore, and be happy. It's a choice. Not always an easy one (some days, life is just miserable. And of course, I'm not talking about clinical depression here .. I'm talking about the words we tell ourselves. Clinical depression is something very different, go see a doctor).
But perspective can be everything. For a long time, I could only see myself as one person among many. I didn't see anything particularly redeeming about myself, and wondered why I even existed. And the more I saw myself that way, the worse it got, because when you use only that perspective, there's nothing particularly special about any one person. It's what you do with your life that matters, and I was a college student. I hadn't done anything yet. When I changed my perspective and saw myself as special to myself, many things became easier for me. (This was not an easy change. It took a long time for me to stop thinking I was useless, to get rid of the nagging thoughts that asked why I was special. I don't want to make it sound easy .. just doable and necessary).
I am Individual, One of Many, and part of the Divine Whole. All of these are true at the same time.
Questions!
How am I individual? Well, I'm the only mommy of my son, the only wife of my husband, the only me. One of many? I'm a FlameKeeper (which makes me both individual, as I was the first, and one of many, because there are others), I'm part of a writer's group, I'm part of a group of friends, I'm part of a community, a country .. all of which are important as well. And I am part of the Divine Whole in that, simply, I exist. I bring joy and light and darkness to the Divine, as it does to me.
Do I love myself for who I am? Well, I do now. I didn't used to. I wanted to be anything else .. or I wanted who I was to be more desirable and acceptable. I had to train myself to deal with people, and I'm still not always great at it. I had to learn to accept that I would always be short, that my brother would have better hair (although he's going bald! hee!), and that I would never be classically socially acceptable. On the other hand, now I value my abilities more. I may not be classically socially acceptable, but then, I fit in well with the people that I enjoy talking to, and I don't have to spend a lot of time trying to fit in with people I don't understand. It might be better if I tried harder, but I have other things to do with my time that are more rewarding. :) There comes a time when you stop bashing your head against a brick wall. Do I love other people for who they are and being part of the Divine? I try to. Sometimes I fail with individuals .. again, I don't deal well with people often. Which makes people doing things I just don't understand hard to deal with. But I try.
How do I balance being special with being insignificant? Oddly, I find it easier to accept being special if I'm also insignificant, if it is just perspective. Because there are so many people out there, and I am just one of them. Even if I do something extraordinary, odds are good someone else could have done it at least as well given the tools. But I am also special: others might have done it as well, but they could not have done it the same way. My perspective brings a viewpoint that other perspectives cannot give. It may be a similar viewpoint, the differences may well be almost nonexistant. But I am unique, and my viewpoint therefore is too.
posted by Vieva | 8:39 AM
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