I embrace the Universe

I really never know how to put my relationship with the Divine into words: and so, often, I don't. I avoid the topic and stick to the stuff that does go into words more easily. I fear misleading people, and so say nothing at all.

Questions first:
How do I see the Divine? I don't have a picture, clearly .. The Divine is everything, and I can't see that far. I find it easier to look at small pieces. I can see the Divine in a leaf unfurling on a tree, in my son's eyes, in the bird that lands outside the window and chirps at me. There really aren't any words to describe the way the Divine moves in my life. I see the mundane things .. the bird, the leaf .. but at the same time, I see them as sacred and part of the Divine. The Divine is all things. The Divine is love. These things I take on faith.

What do I wish I could hide from the Divine? The list is endless. I can be petty, I can be heartless .. I routinely stick my foot in my mouth. There are so many things about myself that I wish I could hide from the world. To show them to the Divine .. to be honest in myself before the Divine is painful sometimes. I can't even lie to myself about these things, as much as I wish I could. But at the same time, I know how loved I am for myself, which is something I couldn't know if I lied.

What is the way I should relate to the Divine, and how can it be messed up? I need to be honest, both with myself and before the Divine. It's so easy to lie, to pretend. And sometimes it's necessary to pretend: my son doesn't need to know I just want to bawl instead of change his diaper or feed him. Better that he sees a happy Mommy. But I can't lie to myself, and I can't lie to the Divine. When I try to lie, I end up talking only to myself.

I think one of the most important things about relating with the Divine is accepting that you're not in charge of the relationship. I have to accept that my life is going to get pushed in ways I hadn't intended. (like, y'know, this blog. and the other blog. and this entire religion thing). I'm not powerless in this: I have the ability, the right, and indeed the duty to be sure that where I'm going is where I want to go. I can refuse anything. I just have to accept the consequences that come with my choices.

I am not subservient or a child .. I am simply a part of the Divine. As a part, I have responsibilities towards the whole, and it has responsibilities towards me(itself). But most of all, there is love.