I doubt anyone's reading this .... ;)
I hate doubt. It really sucks. It's hard to find things that can't be questioned, and if you follow the train of thought too long, you find yourself staring at a chair trying to see all the empty spaces in it and wondering how it stands. (also, if you're me, you're wondering what the odds are that all its electrons are in Florida at the moment. but I'm strange like that).
That doesn't mean doubt isn't healthy. Lots of things are healthy that we don't like. I'm rather unfond of peas. They're healthy, but y'know what? I don't care. Don't like them. (that does not include sugar snap peas and snow peas, btw. LOOOOOOVE snow peas!) Doubt is sorta like peas. It's good for me. I should eat them. If nothing else, I should try to fool my son into thinking they're tasty if I can. How did I get stuck on peas? (this is Shadow's brain on random).
Questions!
What about doubt scares me the most? Getting paralized there. You start doubting, then you doubt a little more, and the next thing you know you're not entirely certain that "up" is where you left it. Finding my way back out of doubt to solid ground, or being able to accept the doubt and move forward, isn't always easy.
How can I doubt and hold faith at the same time? Well, I go with it. Either I'm crazy and this is all in my head, or it works and is real. Either way, I'm going to do the same thing .. doubt doesn't change my day-to-day life. (although if I was making it up, I would probably not be blogging about it!) But until I think something's changed, I'm going to continue as if it's true, even on those days when I'm not really sure there's any point to it all.
What am I afraid to question? I try not to be afraid of questioning anything, because it's questions that lead to essays and ideas. Also, I don't believe in answers .. or at least not cosmic-level covers-everything answers. I believe that when it comes to religion, it's ALWAYS going to be doing the best we can and falling short of perfection. But I still dislike questioning whether or not this is "True" for fear that it might not be. Or fear I'm going to suddenly find out that I'm going to convert to something else and all this work is going to be useless to me. Even though I know that it's never useless .. even were I to convert tomorrow, I would have gotten there by coming through all the work I've done. But I still don't like to ask. :)
That doesn't mean doubt isn't healthy. Lots of things are healthy that we don't like. I'm rather unfond of peas. They're healthy, but y'know what? I don't care. Don't like them. (that does not include sugar snap peas and snow peas, btw. LOOOOOOVE snow peas!) Doubt is sorta like peas. It's good for me. I should eat them. If nothing else, I should try to fool my son into thinking they're tasty if I can. How did I get stuck on peas? (this is Shadow's brain on random).
Questions!
What about doubt scares me the most? Getting paralized there. You start doubting, then you doubt a little more, and the next thing you know you're not entirely certain that "up" is where you left it. Finding my way back out of doubt to solid ground, or being able to accept the doubt and move forward, isn't always easy.
How can I doubt and hold faith at the same time? Well, I go with it. Either I'm crazy and this is all in my head, or it works and is real. Either way, I'm going to do the same thing .. doubt doesn't change my day-to-day life. (although if I was making it up, I would probably not be blogging about it!) But until I think something's changed, I'm going to continue as if it's true, even on those days when I'm not really sure there's any point to it all.
What am I afraid to question? I try not to be afraid of questioning anything, because it's questions that lead to essays and ideas. Also, I don't believe in answers .. or at least not cosmic-level covers-everything answers. I believe that when it comes to religion, it's ALWAYS going to be doing the best we can and falling short of perfection. But I still dislike questioning whether or not this is "True" for fear that it might not be. Or fear I'm going to suddenly find out that I'm going to convert to something else and all this work is going to be useless to me. Even though I know that it's never useless .. even were I to convert tomorrow, I would have gotten there by coming through all the work I've done. But I still don't like to ask. :)
posted by Vieva | 9:37 AM
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