me be buff!
This is one of the harder essays for me, both to write and to put in practice. I've had body issues my entire life .. when I was younger, I was chubby. I wasn't *fat*, but I was on my way there, and children can be very cruel. So it didn't take much for me to think of myself as *fat*, even though I was really only a little chubby. Now I'm much thinner, but I have health problems .. stomach issues and carpal tunnel problems. Lately, I've started having migraines that leave me dizzy and disconnected, which is really a pain when taking care of a baby! So I don't like having a body, I don't like BEING a body .. I try to escape into the realms of the mental and the spiritual, where I feel healthier and don't have to deal with pain. But that doesn't change the reality of the fact that I AM a body, and that if I neglect it, I am neglecting the Divine as well.
However, as of writing this, I've managed to exercise for five days in a row. For me, this is quite an accomplishment. I'm very bad with exercise .. and until recently, I couldn't really put my baby down long enough to exercise anyway. But I'm making a concerted effort to get myself into some kind of shape. I'm just looking for the astonishing energy boost working out is supposed to give me .. I'm ready for it any time now .....
I've gotten better about what my mind chatters on about. I no longer think of myself as fat or as lazy. (well, not often on the lazy). I try to think well of myself while also being honest about it. I don't think there's any point in puffing myself up, given that reality will just cut me back down to size. But there's also no point in beating reality to the punch and putting myself down first. It's something I'm working at.
It's very easy to treat oneself badly. It can become a challenge, to see who can mistreat themselves the most before reality has a chance to get there first. But it's the wrong idea and the wrong game. We are all of the Divine. We are all special. And when we degrade ourselves, we are degrading the Divine.
Questions:
How do I take care of my body? Well, I'm exercising. I watch what I eat, although my eating habits aren't something dieticians would approve of .. it's right for MY body. (if I ate a *proper* diet as is usually described, I'd make myself very sick due to my stomach problems). I'm better at taking care of my mind .. I try to think about things, I write creatively, I write here. I don't let myself stagnate.
Do I do a good job celebrating my sacred nature? oof. I try to. It's not something I think about regularly .. it's something I am. Of course, I spend a lot of time babychasing .. so one could say I spend a lot more time celebrating my son's sacred nature. But I try to celebrate myself as well. Exercising! Five whole days!
How do I love myself? This took the most work for me to accept. I am sacred, I am lovable .. the two are one. It's taken a long time for me to accept myself as what I am, and longer for me to see the worth in that. There's nothing wrong with being imaginative. There's nothing wrong with being creative. There's nothing wrong with being different and uniquely myself, and I love myself for it. (most of the time ....)
However, as of writing this, I've managed to exercise for five days in a row. For me, this is quite an accomplishment. I'm very bad with exercise .. and until recently, I couldn't really put my baby down long enough to exercise anyway. But I'm making a concerted effort to get myself into some kind of shape. I'm just looking for the astonishing energy boost working out is supposed to give me .. I'm ready for it any time now .....
I've gotten better about what my mind chatters on about. I no longer think of myself as fat or as lazy. (well, not often on the lazy). I try to think well of myself while also being honest about it. I don't think there's any point in puffing myself up, given that reality will just cut me back down to size. But there's also no point in beating reality to the punch and putting myself down first. It's something I'm working at.
It's very easy to treat oneself badly. It can become a challenge, to see who can mistreat themselves the most before reality has a chance to get there first. But it's the wrong idea and the wrong game. We are all of the Divine. We are all special. And when we degrade ourselves, we are degrading the Divine.
Questions:
How do I take care of my body? Well, I'm exercising. I watch what I eat, although my eating habits aren't something dieticians would approve of .. it's right for MY body. (if I ate a *proper* diet as is usually described, I'd make myself very sick due to my stomach problems). I'm better at taking care of my mind .. I try to think about things, I write creatively, I write here. I don't let myself stagnate.
Do I do a good job celebrating my sacred nature? oof. I try to. It's not something I think about regularly .. it's something I am. Of course, I spend a lot of time babychasing .. so one could say I spend a lot more time celebrating my son's sacred nature. But I try to celebrate myself as well. Exercising! Five whole days!
How do I love myself? This took the most work for me to accept. I am sacred, I am lovable .. the two are one. It's taken a long time for me to accept myself as what I am, and longer for me to see the worth in that. There's nothing wrong with being imaginative. There's nothing wrong with being creative. There's nothing wrong with being different and uniquely myself, and I love myself for it. (most of the time ....)
posted by Vieva | 8:23 AM
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