We are what our hearts are
A large part of the reason for this post is because I've been so very tired and worn out lately. It's hard to care for a baby every day, to nurture myself and my family. Every day I work, and every day it's a success if things haven't become a mess by bedtime. (and I don't always have successes). When all I'm doing is trying to keep even, and I can't even do that, it's hard to not feel like a failure.
We don't value nurturing in our society, because it's invisible. It's so very easy to say "all I asked is that you'd do the laundry", but that leaves aside the fact that the kitchen needs cleaning and the baby needs watching, playing with, feeding and changing. There doesn't need to be someone else telling me I'm not doing a good job. I tell myself, and society implies, that I'm not doing a good job because I'm only holding even. I'm not getting ahead. I'm not doing anything. The only proof of a job well done is things not getting worse, and that's very hard to live with sometimes.
There needs to be a change. There needs to be an acceptance of nurturing as something meaningful and important. Because if we don't do it for each other, the world falls apart.
Questions:
Who do I nurture and how? Obviously that list starts with my son, and I do all the things a mommy does. Follow that up with my husband, my friends .. my readers. It's easier to see what I do for my son. For my husband, it's trying to make sure I cook a healthy dinner for us and keeping the house from becoming a disaster area. For my friends, I am a willing ear and hopefully a sympathetic listener. For my readers .. I don't know. You'd have to tell me. :)
Who nurtures me and how? Well, my baby gives me hugs. That's hard to discount. And my husband takes care of me and does his best to make certain I don't overload myself. Very importantly, when I feel a mess he reminds me that taking care of our son IS a real job to him. He supports my decisions and doesn't let me feel bad because I don't have a day job. And my friends listen to me as I listen to them. That's what makes them friends.
How do I value those that nurture me and is it enough? I'm not sure that's a question where "enough" ever qualifies, even though I asked it myself. But going around saying "I appreciate you" sounds goofy, so it's a tough line between appreciative and just weird. And I try to appreciate nurturing by nurturing in return. It's easy to say I appreciate you. It's a lot more meaningful to act on it.
We don't value nurturing in our society, because it's invisible. It's so very easy to say "all I asked is that you'd do the laundry", but that leaves aside the fact that the kitchen needs cleaning and the baby needs watching, playing with, feeding and changing. There doesn't need to be someone else telling me I'm not doing a good job. I tell myself, and society implies, that I'm not doing a good job because I'm only holding even. I'm not getting ahead. I'm not doing anything. The only proof of a job well done is things not getting worse, and that's very hard to live with sometimes.
There needs to be a change. There needs to be an acceptance of nurturing as something meaningful and important. Because if we don't do it for each other, the world falls apart.
Questions:
Who do I nurture and how? Obviously that list starts with my son, and I do all the things a mommy does. Follow that up with my husband, my friends .. my readers. It's easier to see what I do for my son. For my husband, it's trying to make sure I cook a healthy dinner for us and keeping the house from becoming a disaster area. For my friends, I am a willing ear and hopefully a sympathetic listener. For my readers .. I don't know. You'd have to tell me. :)
Who nurtures me and how? Well, my baby gives me hugs. That's hard to discount. And my husband takes care of me and does his best to make certain I don't overload myself. Very importantly, when I feel a mess he reminds me that taking care of our son IS a real job to him. He supports my decisions and doesn't let me feel bad because I don't have a day job. And my friends listen to me as I listen to them. That's what makes them friends.
How do I value those that nurture me and is it enough? I'm not sure that's a question where "enough" ever qualifies, even though I asked it myself. But going around saying "I appreciate you" sounds goofy, so it's a tough line between appreciative and just weird. And I try to appreciate nurturing by nurturing in return. It's easy to say I appreciate you. It's a lot more meaningful to act on it.
posted by Vieva | 4:10 PM
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