Ecstasy and Boxes of Words
This is another hard one for me, because I'm going to be trying to put deeply personal things into words. And I'm not sure I can very well.
I have experienced ecstasy. (and I do not mean the drug). I saw, in a moment, the entire Universe, and felt it look back. There was no "me," even, simply a great throbbing dance of life. It was a long moment, but only a moment. I've spent years trying to get back to that feeling, off and on.
And here I am, creating a box of words for the concept. That's what religion is, after all. It's a way to try and tidy ecstasy up, to normalize it, to give everyone a similar set of experiences to go through and find the same point. And there's a point to that, of course. Without a guide, we could never experience the same things. It's the nature of humanity to want to share experience and a point of reference, both for good things and for bad. The problem is that religion is a very easy way to box that ecstasy out of non-religion activities. We try to keep transformation in places where it's safe and comfortable, and ignore the fact that it just doesn't work that way.
This is so incredibly hard to talk about, even to just the computer with no one here to judge if I sound like a lunatic. Ecstasy defies words, defies logic. It's like putting on a pair of glasses for just a second, and seeing clearly. Then the glasses are gone, but the memory of how everything looked remained.
Do I allow room for ecstasy or box it up? I don't know. I try to allow room for ecstasy, but at the same time, I've got an infant, I work on my writing, there's housework ..... daily life gets in the way. It's hard to have room for transcendance between dirty diapers. (and I'm not sure I'd want any revelation I might find in there)!
Can I accept transformation? I have in the past. I suspect I would manage in the future. I'm pragmatist enough to simply react to whatever's in front of me. Some changes, of course, are easier than others. Do I want it? Well, right now, not so much. Or at least, not most of the things I can think of. A major religious revelation that pointed me into a drastically different direction would really piss me off. Something that gave depth to what I already do, on the other hand, would be welcomed.
As far as what ecstasy would change, that's probably a dumb question. Unless you're actively struggling against a change, it's impossible to tell that in advance.
I have experienced ecstasy. (and I do not mean the drug). I saw, in a moment, the entire Universe, and felt it look back. There was no "me," even, simply a great throbbing dance of life. It was a long moment, but only a moment. I've spent years trying to get back to that feeling, off and on.
And here I am, creating a box of words for the concept. That's what religion is, after all. It's a way to try and tidy ecstasy up, to normalize it, to give everyone a similar set of experiences to go through and find the same point. And there's a point to that, of course. Without a guide, we could never experience the same things. It's the nature of humanity to want to share experience and a point of reference, both for good things and for bad. The problem is that religion is a very easy way to box that ecstasy out of non-religion activities. We try to keep transformation in places where it's safe and comfortable, and ignore the fact that it just doesn't work that way.
This is so incredibly hard to talk about, even to just the computer with no one here to judge if I sound like a lunatic. Ecstasy defies words, defies logic. It's like putting on a pair of glasses for just a second, and seeing clearly. Then the glasses are gone, but the memory of how everything looked remained.
Do I allow room for ecstasy or box it up? I don't know. I try to allow room for ecstasy, but at the same time, I've got an infant, I work on my writing, there's housework ..... daily life gets in the way. It's hard to have room for transcendance between dirty diapers. (and I'm not sure I'd want any revelation I might find in there)!
Can I accept transformation? I have in the past. I suspect I would manage in the future. I'm pragmatist enough to simply react to whatever's in front of me. Some changes, of course, are easier than others. Do I want it? Well, right now, not so much. Or at least, not most of the things I can think of. A major religious revelation that pointed me into a drastically different direction would really piss me off. Something that gave depth to what I already do, on the other hand, would be welcomed.
As far as what ecstasy would change, that's probably a dumb question. Unless you're actively struggling against a change, it's impossible to tell that in advance.
posted by Vieva | 9:51 AM
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