Love me for who I am
I wrote this because I'm appalled by standard pieces of the American dialogue of what "love" is. So many people don't see a problem with claiming love, then imposing their own ideas of who the person is and what a "correct" relationship is on the other person. That's not love, that's possession, and people are not possessions.
It's so very easy to see people only as they relate to yourself, and it's so very wrong and sickening. What's worse is, we celebrate these screwed-up ideas in our literature and television. This leads people to think they're reasonable values, and the circle begins again.
I refuse to be a possession, and I really hope I'm a good enough mom to not see my kids as possessions. (I'm fairly certain I don't see anyone else in my life as possessions .. but my baby is barely even a person at all!)
Questions:
How does love blur ego boundaries in my life? Well, I can't worry just about my own happiness, because I can't be truly happy if the people I love are not. My happiness is especially bound up with that of my son's, because I have such control over his happiness. (also, screaming icky!) What I do can make him happy or destroy his world in an instant, so I have to be careful to help keep him content and cared for. And I have to love him enough to do what's right for him and not what's easy, as well, because what makes him happy now won't work to keep him happy later.
Do I keep my ego barriers high or low? For a long time, they were very high. I was incredibly self-protective, and I still am for new people. It takes time for me to trust people. However, that doesn't mean that I don't let people in, and it doesn't mean that I don't work on it. I've had my ego barriers so high that no one could get in. It almost killed me from the loneliness. I would rather risk the hurt and actually live than stifle my flame to death out in the cold.
Do I nurture flames and love without counting the cost? I do remain protective to the point that if someone's using me, they're out of my life. I try very hard to make certain that I am not treated as a possession by the people around me. (I had a hard time with that for a long time .. not, oddly, with boyfriends, but with female friends. It doesn't have to be romantic to be abusive). But I don't look at how much I do for my husband or my son as a cost. It is what I do for my own happiness. And my husband gives back, so it's not a one-sided thing. If it was, then I'd be counting that cost. My son, of course, can't give back yet in any meaningful way .. but I love holding him so much it's close enough. *grins*
Most importantly, I love people for who they are. Keep that in mind, and it's much easier to go right.
It's so very easy to see people only as they relate to yourself, and it's so very wrong and sickening. What's worse is, we celebrate these screwed-up ideas in our literature and television. This leads people to think they're reasonable values, and the circle begins again.
I refuse to be a possession, and I really hope I'm a good enough mom to not see my kids as possessions. (I'm fairly certain I don't see anyone else in my life as possessions .. but my baby is barely even a person at all!)
Questions:
How does love blur ego boundaries in my life? Well, I can't worry just about my own happiness, because I can't be truly happy if the people I love are not. My happiness is especially bound up with that of my son's, because I have such control over his happiness. (also, screaming icky!) What I do can make him happy or destroy his world in an instant, so I have to be careful to help keep him content and cared for. And I have to love him enough to do what's right for him and not what's easy, as well, because what makes him happy now won't work to keep him happy later.
Do I keep my ego barriers high or low? For a long time, they were very high. I was incredibly self-protective, and I still am for new people. It takes time for me to trust people. However, that doesn't mean that I don't let people in, and it doesn't mean that I don't work on it. I've had my ego barriers so high that no one could get in. It almost killed me from the loneliness. I would rather risk the hurt and actually live than stifle my flame to death out in the cold.
Do I nurture flames and love without counting the cost? I do remain protective to the point that if someone's using me, they're out of my life. I try very hard to make certain that I am not treated as a possession by the people around me. (I had a hard time with that for a long time .. not, oddly, with boyfriends, but with female friends. It doesn't have to be romantic to be abusive). But I don't look at how much I do for my husband or my son as a cost. It is what I do for my own happiness. And my husband gives back, so it's not a one-sided thing. If it was, then I'd be counting that cost. My son, of course, can't give back yet in any meaningful way .. but I love holding him so much it's close enough. *grins*
Most importantly, I love people for who they are. Keep that in mind, and it's much easier to go right.
posted by Vieva | 8:34 AM
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