It's draaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaa
It's hard to resist drama sometimes. After all, we are each the center of our own world .. so OF COURSE what's going on in my life is most important and dramatic and difficult and whatever. It just gets problematic when you forget that other people have their own lives and their own drama as well.
I tend to be the sort of person that gets drawn into other people's drama. I want to help .. I ACHE to help people. And drama-laden people feed off of people like me, because until I get fed up and leave, they can use my sympathy over and over. It's taken me a long time to realize that there's no purpose in me continuing to support such people, and to back away. But it's still hard, because that's the way I'm wired .. if someone is hurting, I want to help. But it's not help for them .. it's enabling.
Questions:
When do I indulge in drama? When the baby won't sleep ...... when I'm having issues writing .. when I feel fat and unloved and a mess. But I try pretty hard to snap out of it as quickly as I can, as well. There's no real point in dwelling in the problem .. the important point is to solve it or live with it and move on from there.
Do I get easily drawn in? I certainly used to. I've been in a couple codependant relationships like that .. they were friendships (somehow I always had better control over my love life than my friendships) but they were abusive and codependant. I have a hard time knowing where the line is, where someone is actually working and where someone's just dwelling in it. Lately I think I may have gone too far to the other side .. I see someone that looks like they're dealing with a lot of "stuff" and I become very self-protective. And I do still want to help .. but I don't want to dance that dance again.
How do I evaluate when it's help and when it's drama? Well, the most important question is, do they listen to advice, or do they just have the same problem over and over without changing anything? People who actually have problems want to solve them. They want to get out of the hole they've fallen into. People that live for drama always have an excuse why the advice doesn't work .. or if they take the advice, they end up in the exact same situation again almost instantly. So you have to decide .. if someone's not going to listen, are they worth the headache? Most often .. not.
I tend to be the sort of person that gets drawn into other people's drama. I want to help .. I ACHE to help people. And drama-laden people feed off of people like me, because until I get fed up and leave, they can use my sympathy over and over. It's taken me a long time to realize that there's no purpose in me continuing to support such people, and to back away. But it's still hard, because that's the way I'm wired .. if someone is hurting, I want to help. But it's not help for them .. it's enabling.
Questions:
When do I indulge in drama? When the baby won't sleep ...... when I'm having issues writing .. when I feel fat and unloved and a mess. But I try pretty hard to snap out of it as quickly as I can, as well. There's no real point in dwelling in the problem .. the important point is to solve it or live with it and move on from there.
Do I get easily drawn in? I certainly used to. I've been in a couple codependant relationships like that .. they were friendships (somehow I always had better control over my love life than my friendships) but they were abusive and codependant. I have a hard time knowing where the line is, where someone is actually working and where someone's just dwelling in it. Lately I think I may have gone too far to the other side .. I see someone that looks like they're dealing with a lot of "stuff" and I become very self-protective. And I do still want to help .. but I don't want to dance that dance again.
How do I evaluate when it's help and when it's drama? Well, the most important question is, do they listen to advice, or do they just have the same problem over and over without changing anything? People who actually have problems want to solve them. They want to get out of the hole they've fallen into. People that live for drama always have an excuse why the advice doesn't work .. or if they take the advice, they end up in the exact same situation again almost instantly. So you have to decide .. if someone's not going to listen, are they worth the headache? Most often .. not.
posted by Vieva | 8:44 AM
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