I rule!
This is a hard one for me to comment on because I so fear being in control .. almost to an unhealthy point of avoiding it. I can't stand the idea of people relying upon me to think for them or guide them ... which makes this whole religious thing a little weird, really. I don't want people to have me do their thinking for them. I can give the questions and a framework, but the answers are something each person has to find on their own.
Some amount of control is necessary, clearly. I won't allow people to smoke in my house, regardless of the situation. I don't approve of heavy drinking and won't have that near me either (and, of course, I don't go to bars. I don't go to a bar and then try to keep people from drinking!). I don't try to control what people do in their own space, but I do limit what is done around me. Then you can make your own choice what you wish to do. (And I do my best to be completely upfront about what I do and don't want to deal with .. I don't change the rules in the middle. THAT is bad manipulation).
Questions:
What do I try to control? I try to control certain behaviors around me. I don't want people to do things I find objectionable, and I control that by either removing myself from the situation or speaking up, depending on what's appropriate. (usually by removal. I dont' deal well with confrontation). I don't try to control people .. other than actual lawbreaking and the like, you can do as you want and it's not my concern. I simply try to make certain that I do not appear to be endorsing things I consider objectionable .. after that, it's your problem.
Do I let myself be controlled? To an extent, of course .. I follow the laws as best as I'm able, which is a control. I follow the *social customs*, which is more of a control .. don't let the outside of the house get too scary looking, don't go outside looking like something that just got run over by a baby ..... That said, if the rules are something I disagree with, I don't follow them. There's a "rule" that says women should be "put together" to go to the grocery store, including makeup. I don't think I even OWN makeup at the moment, and if I do, it's old and should be tossed. Clearly I only follow the rules that matter to me .. a little social isolation from people I don't even know because my hair isn't perfect doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have other things to worry about.
What happens to a person that is controlled? to the controller? I think when one person tries to actually control another, you have two people trying to live off of one person's Flames. Flames cannot support anyone other than the person to whom they belong .. I cannot live off of yours, no matter how much Flame you have. Trying to control another person is a way of saying you don't have control over yourself. And to the person controlled, there isn't enough Flame for themselves. It's as if you are a candle on a windy day .. you might not ever gutter out, but there is no light and no warmth.
Some amount of control is necessary, clearly. I won't allow people to smoke in my house, regardless of the situation. I don't approve of heavy drinking and won't have that near me either (and, of course, I don't go to bars. I don't go to a bar and then try to keep people from drinking!). I don't try to control what people do in their own space, but I do limit what is done around me. Then you can make your own choice what you wish to do. (And I do my best to be completely upfront about what I do and don't want to deal with .. I don't change the rules in the middle. THAT is bad manipulation).
Questions:
What do I try to control? I try to control certain behaviors around me. I don't want people to do things I find objectionable, and I control that by either removing myself from the situation or speaking up, depending on what's appropriate. (usually by removal. I dont' deal well with confrontation). I don't try to control people .. other than actual lawbreaking and the like, you can do as you want and it's not my concern. I simply try to make certain that I do not appear to be endorsing things I consider objectionable .. after that, it's your problem.
Do I let myself be controlled? To an extent, of course .. I follow the laws as best as I'm able, which is a control. I follow the *social customs*, which is more of a control .. don't let the outside of the house get too scary looking, don't go outside looking like something that just got run over by a baby ..... That said, if the rules are something I disagree with, I don't follow them. There's a "rule" that says women should be "put together" to go to the grocery store, including makeup. I don't think I even OWN makeup at the moment, and if I do, it's old and should be tossed. Clearly I only follow the rules that matter to me .. a little social isolation from people I don't even know because my hair isn't perfect doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have other things to worry about.
What happens to a person that is controlled? to the controller? I think when one person tries to actually control another, you have two people trying to live off of one person's Flames. Flames cannot support anyone other than the person to whom they belong .. I cannot live off of yours, no matter how much Flame you have. Trying to control another person is a way of saying you don't have control over yourself. And to the person controlled, there isn't enough Flame for themselves. It's as if you are a candle on a windy day .. you might not ever gutter out, but there is no light and no warmth.
posted by Vieva | 8:45 AM
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