nobody's business but mine
I really hate the idea that I'm supposed to be "Pagan" everywhere I go. Or that I'm supposed to be "Mommy" or "Heterosexual" or whatever. What I am doesn't need to be the label on my sleeve.
I am many things, and I value all of them. I don't keep secret about what I am .. but I do use discretion. I don't want discussions to turn into "What the heck is FlameKeeping" all the time .. or, my favorite one, "So is that demon worship or something?". Gah. It's only people's business if it's relevant .. if I'm in a religious space or something. And when it's not relevant, it shouldn't be necessary to talk about. I can't STAND when someone is religionX (be that Christian, Wiccan, or whatever) whenever they talk. Everything relates to the religion internally, certainly, but it doesn't need to externally.
My privacy matters to me. What I do affects the people around me, as well .. so I can't just do what's right for me, but also what's right for the people around me. If I choose to be publically Pagan, that will affect my child and my husband. If I am publically known as creating my own religion, everyone's going to look like crackpots. Discretion here is quite a virtue.
Questions:
How do I know whether to be public or private? I tend to fall on the "private" side of that line, when in doubt .. this blog, moving things public, is difficult for me. Making things public in my offline life is even more difficult, because these are people that know me as a writer or a mom or a wife first, and only later as a FlameKeeper (if at all). That said, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when something rubs me the wrong way, so I tend to say things anyway. But I try to not talk about religious matters, or any other private matters, when it's not relevant. (I don't discuss my sex life with people either .. I'm not ashamed of it, but it's not anybody's business but mine and my husband's! and, if relevant, my doctor.)
What do I do when one sphere pushes too far into another aspect of my life? I ran into this recently when I joined a gaming server and put the FlameKeeping website as my website. There were a number of questions and a bit of .. not hesitancy, but certainly notice that I was doing something odd. On the other hand, it was my choice to put it out there. Otherwise, I am the same person that I was and I behave the same way.
What do I think should be private? Should be public? I think things that relate to one's work-life should be public, or at least public-safe. If you're embarrassed by your job, you need to rethink your work .. or your non-work life. (If you're proud of your job and embarrassed about it around your friends, perhaps you need different friends?) Embarrassment is a good sign that something should be re-evaluated. However, there's nothing wrong with privacy. If it's not relevant, there's no reason to talk about it. That doesn't mean, though, that you don't have to still live it .. just because it's not relevant in your outward life doesn't mean you can ignore it internally. Also, I think there needs to be sensitivity about relevance .. if something becomes relevant, it should be mentioned. There is a fine line between privacy and secrecy .. if you feel the need to keep something secret that is important to your life, that needs to be thought about long and hard. Secrecy can be sign of a problem.
I am many things, and I value all of them. I don't keep secret about what I am .. but I do use discretion. I don't want discussions to turn into "What the heck is FlameKeeping" all the time .. or, my favorite one, "So is that demon worship or something?". Gah. It's only people's business if it's relevant .. if I'm in a religious space or something. And when it's not relevant, it shouldn't be necessary to talk about. I can't STAND when someone is religionX (be that Christian, Wiccan, or whatever) whenever they talk. Everything relates to the religion internally, certainly, but it doesn't need to externally.
My privacy matters to me. What I do affects the people around me, as well .. so I can't just do what's right for me, but also what's right for the people around me. If I choose to be publically Pagan, that will affect my child and my husband. If I am publically known as creating my own religion, everyone's going to look like crackpots. Discretion here is quite a virtue.
Questions:
How do I know whether to be public or private? I tend to fall on the "private" side of that line, when in doubt .. this blog, moving things public, is difficult for me. Making things public in my offline life is even more difficult, because these are people that know me as a writer or a mom or a wife first, and only later as a FlameKeeper (if at all). That said, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when something rubs me the wrong way, so I tend to say things anyway. But I try to not talk about religious matters, or any other private matters, when it's not relevant. (I don't discuss my sex life with people either .. I'm not ashamed of it, but it's not anybody's business but mine and my husband's! and, if relevant, my doctor.)
What do I do when one sphere pushes too far into another aspect of my life? I ran into this recently when I joined a gaming server and put the FlameKeeping website as my website. There were a number of questions and a bit of .. not hesitancy, but certainly notice that I was doing something odd. On the other hand, it was my choice to put it out there. Otherwise, I am the same person that I was and I behave the same way.
What do I think should be private? Should be public? I think things that relate to one's work-life should be public, or at least public-safe. If you're embarrassed by your job, you need to rethink your work .. or your non-work life. (If you're proud of your job and embarrassed about it around your friends, perhaps you need different friends?) Embarrassment is a good sign that something should be re-evaluated. However, there's nothing wrong with privacy. If it's not relevant, there's no reason to talk about it. That doesn't mean, though, that you don't have to still live it .. just because it's not relevant in your outward life doesn't mean you can ignore it internally. Also, I think there needs to be sensitivity about relevance .. if something becomes relevant, it should be mentioned. There is a fine line between privacy and secrecy .. if you feel the need to keep something secret that is important to your life, that needs to be thought about long and hard. Secrecy can be sign of a problem.
posted by Vieva | 8:03 AM
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