Loving kids
Children are a special case when it comes to FlameKeeping. They are dependent upon us, needing us to help nurture and shelter them, but at the same time they are their own people and need to learn and explore their own Flame. Finding a balance between protection and freedom is a constant tightrope nightmare for every parent.
So far, I have it pretty easy on that. My little one is only one year old (almost!) and can't get up to much. His freedom is one room, and I'm always there to watch him. But I still have to not run when he falls .. only when it hurts. I have to let him scream out his frustration at night so he can go to sleep, as opposed to holding him the entire time. Even now, when he can't even walk or talk, I have to let go a little.
So how do you balance? I don't know .. and there's certainly no clear-cut rule, no one thing that will fit every child and every situation. Parenting is too individual for that. I do know that too much freedom with hurt a child, because he won't have a chance to learn about rules .. and sooner or later, rules come for all of us. And too much protection will hurt a child, because then when they do get freedom, they won't know how to handle it.
We have to love our children .. and we have to put their needs ahead of our own. As hard as it is, we have to do what's right for the child .. not just what's right for us.
Questions:
Should we try to eliminate risks? No, in general, both because risk is inherent for success, and because teenagers could make crossing the street dangerous. You can't make safe someone that doesn't want safety. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make things safer, because there's no point in needless risk. But it needs to be thought out and the tradeoffs weighed.
How do you balance care against suffocation? Carefully and constantly. There's no way to make one single rule, because children and situations vary. All broad rules will have exceptions, sometimes very important ones.
Love your child, and try very hard to do what's best for the child in these decisions, not what's best for the adult. It can be hard to tell, sometimes .. but when we have a child, we make a promise to that baby that we're going to do the best we can for the little one. That promise never runs out.
So far, I have it pretty easy on that. My little one is only one year old (almost!) and can't get up to much. His freedom is one room, and I'm always there to watch him. But I still have to not run when he falls .. only when it hurts. I have to let him scream out his frustration at night so he can go to sleep, as opposed to holding him the entire time. Even now, when he can't even walk or talk, I have to let go a little.
So how do you balance? I don't know .. and there's certainly no clear-cut rule, no one thing that will fit every child and every situation. Parenting is too individual for that. I do know that too much freedom with hurt a child, because he won't have a chance to learn about rules .. and sooner or later, rules come for all of us. And too much protection will hurt a child, because then when they do get freedom, they won't know how to handle it.
We have to love our children .. and we have to put their needs ahead of our own. As hard as it is, we have to do what's right for the child .. not just what's right for us.
Questions:
Should we try to eliminate risks? No, in general, both because risk is inherent for success, and because teenagers could make crossing the street dangerous. You can't make safe someone that doesn't want safety. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make things safer, because there's no point in needless risk. But it needs to be thought out and the tradeoffs weighed.
How do you balance care against suffocation? Carefully and constantly. There's no way to make one single rule, because children and situations vary. All broad rules will have exceptions, sometimes very important ones.
Love your child, and try very hard to do what's best for the child in these decisions, not what's best for the adult. It can be hard to tell, sometimes .. but when we have a child, we make a promise to that baby that we're going to do the best we can for the little one. That promise never runs out.
posted by Vieva | 7:56 AM
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