Don't cross me ....
I don't remember if I wrote this in response to something specific or not. Really, it doesn't matter, because it is a statement of what happens all the time.
It's very hard to know where boundaries are. And it's hard to know if one's boundaries are reasonable. There are times I feel totally stepped upon, yet have no idea what to say because my reaction seems unreasonable to what happened. What makes that even more difficult, though, is that people don't realize something even is a problem until you make it clear.
My baby knows how to handle personal insults. He screams his fool head off. (of course, he also does this when he wants a diaper change, a snuggle, or that toy back, so it's hard to tell what the problem is). But there is a time in our lives when we know that when something happens we don't like, we respond. Somewhere along the way we lose that .. we learn that we must go along to get along, that we have to fit in with the community, that we have to find a way to bend ourselves to fit the mold given us. And it's worse for women than for men, but that doesn't mean it isn't a problem for men as well. We're all told to just "shut up and take it."
I don't have any easy answers. What I do know is that when you bend, and bend, and bend, you're stifling your Flame. Perhaps the problem is your boundaries, and then you need to find a way to make more reasonable ones. But perhaps the problem is people simply treating you like a welcome mat, in which case the absolute correct response is to refuse to play that game any more.
Questions:
How do I handle transgression? Usually, poorly. I tend to just take it because I so hate confrontation. When I get pushed too far, I explode, which makes the issue the explosion and not the actual problem. I'm VERY bad at this. (I work on it, but it's hard to deal with long-established patterns. surprise! I'm not perfect. darn).
Do I feel oppressed by transgression? No, I don't. I've managed to arrange my life as to avoid most places where I do feel oppressed .. like most day jobs. (hopefully this writing gig will pay at some point!). I take care of the house and the kid as well as I can, and it works for my husband and myself. When I tried to work a day job, though, I felt absolutely twisted and broken into something I was not. And unfortunately, there was no way to respond that let me keep my job, because the system itself simply didn't work with me.
How do I react to other people's reactions? I try to get past the anger and to the actual problem .. the actual anger is pretty useless. It's a reasonable response, and it tells me that there is a problem, but it doesn't tell me what the problem is. I try to be reasonable, though, and not react badly to other people what I actually see in myself. It is easy, however, to say this .. harder to do it.
It's very hard to know where boundaries are. And it's hard to know if one's boundaries are reasonable. There are times I feel totally stepped upon, yet have no idea what to say because my reaction seems unreasonable to what happened. What makes that even more difficult, though, is that people don't realize something even is a problem until you make it clear.
My baby knows how to handle personal insults. He screams his fool head off. (of course, he also does this when he wants a diaper change, a snuggle, or that toy back, so it's hard to tell what the problem is). But there is a time in our lives when we know that when something happens we don't like, we respond. Somewhere along the way we lose that .. we learn that we must go along to get along, that we have to fit in with the community, that we have to find a way to bend ourselves to fit the mold given us. And it's worse for women than for men, but that doesn't mean it isn't a problem for men as well. We're all told to just "shut up and take it."
I don't have any easy answers. What I do know is that when you bend, and bend, and bend, you're stifling your Flame. Perhaps the problem is your boundaries, and then you need to find a way to make more reasonable ones. But perhaps the problem is people simply treating you like a welcome mat, in which case the absolute correct response is to refuse to play that game any more.
Questions:
How do I handle transgression? Usually, poorly. I tend to just take it because I so hate confrontation. When I get pushed too far, I explode, which makes the issue the explosion and not the actual problem. I'm VERY bad at this. (I work on it, but it's hard to deal with long-established patterns. surprise! I'm not perfect. darn).
Do I feel oppressed by transgression? No, I don't. I've managed to arrange my life as to avoid most places where I do feel oppressed .. like most day jobs. (hopefully this writing gig will pay at some point!). I take care of the house and the kid as well as I can, and it works for my husband and myself. When I tried to work a day job, though, I felt absolutely twisted and broken into something I was not. And unfortunately, there was no way to respond that let me keep my job, because the system itself simply didn't work with me.
How do I react to other people's reactions? I try to get past the anger and to the actual problem .. the actual anger is pretty useless. It's a reasonable response, and it tells me that there is a problem, but it doesn't tell me what the problem is. I try to be reasonable, though, and not react badly to other people what I actually see in myself. It is easy, however, to say this .. harder to do it.
posted by Vieva | 7:57 AM
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