Did you hear what she said?
Gossip is a tricky issue. I've been at the receiving end of harmful gossip, and it hurts. At the same time, there are times that information needs to be shared and people see it as harmful.
Sharing information is how we define our groups. I don't talk about people that mean nothing to me, after all. It's easy to tell how much someone matters by how much one speaks of them. I talk all the time about what my son is doing, about my husband, about my friends. Is this gossip? Well, that depends on what the person listening thinks of it. If they don't like what they're hearing, or think the person I'm talking about wouldn't like it, it's usually labeled as gossip. If it's nice, it's just conveying information or chatting.
We are a speaking animal. It's how we define ourselves and our relationships to each other. This makes how we use our speech of critical importance .. because what we say defines us to each other.
Questions:
When is it appropriate to speak? It's appropriate to speak when it's something that should be heard, or when it's something that's considered "common knowledge". I don't care if people refer to me as married, for example, because I consider that common knowledge. I feel the same way about people knowing I'm a mother. Depending on the social culture I'm dealing with, however, I might not want the fact that I'm Pagan being talked about, and it certainly depends on how it's spoken of. I do not consider lies about other people appropriate unless the truth will cause a great deal of harm and no good .. information about someone cheating, for example, although it will cause harm is information that should be conveyed to the people involved. But that doesn't mean the fact that a person cheated on his girlfriend should be common knowledge to everyone, either .. even if it is a part of the person's history. But people interested in a relationship with this person should know, because it's an important piece of history that relates to their situation. It's very complicated.
Where is it appropriate? When it's information that needs to be conveyed. Even if it's harmful information, if it's something I need to know, not giving me the information is worse. Not giving me information that's important is a bad thing .. even if it's "gossip." But it should be information you're sure about, or at least you should be careful about giving the proper definition. If you're not sure, say so! Being honest about how much you know is as important as what you know.
How have I been harmed by gossip? People have made up all kinds of incredible things about me, which clearly hurt. I suspect it's part of the beast of being a teen girl, and more when you're already the outcast. It's much harder to think about how I've been helped, because often you don't know what information is being conveyed. I know that when bad things have happened to me, people talk about it to each other when I'm not there so I get comfort even by people I haven't spoken to directly.
Information, in and of itself, is neutral. What matters is what we do with it.
Sharing information is how we define our groups. I don't talk about people that mean nothing to me, after all. It's easy to tell how much someone matters by how much one speaks of them. I talk all the time about what my son is doing, about my husband, about my friends. Is this gossip? Well, that depends on what the person listening thinks of it. If they don't like what they're hearing, or think the person I'm talking about wouldn't like it, it's usually labeled as gossip. If it's nice, it's just conveying information or chatting.
We are a speaking animal. It's how we define ourselves and our relationships to each other. This makes how we use our speech of critical importance .. because what we say defines us to each other.
Questions:
When is it appropriate to speak? It's appropriate to speak when it's something that should be heard, or when it's something that's considered "common knowledge". I don't care if people refer to me as married, for example, because I consider that common knowledge. I feel the same way about people knowing I'm a mother. Depending on the social culture I'm dealing with, however, I might not want the fact that I'm Pagan being talked about, and it certainly depends on how it's spoken of. I do not consider lies about other people appropriate unless the truth will cause a great deal of harm and no good .. information about someone cheating, for example, although it will cause harm is information that should be conveyed to the people involved. But that doesn't mean the fact that a person cheated on his girlfriend should be common knowledge to everyone, either .. even if it is a part of the person's history. But people interested in a relationship with this person should know, because it's an important piece of history that relates to their situation. It's very complicated.
Where is it appropriate? When it's information that needs to be conveyed. Even if it's harmful information, if it's something I need to know, not giving me the information is worse. Not giving me information that's important is a bad thing .. even if it's "gossip." But it should be information you're sure about, or at least you should be careful about giving the proper definition. If you're not sure, say so! Being honest about how much you know is as important as what you know.
How have I been harmed by gossip? People have made up all kinds of incredible things about me, which clearly hurt. I suspect it's part of the beast of being a teen girl, and more when you're already the outcast. It's much harder to think about how I've been helped, because often you don't know what information is being conveyed. I know that when bad things have happened to me, people talk about it to each other when I'm not there so I get comfort even by people I haven't spoken to directly.
Information, in and of itself, is neutral. What matters is what we do with it.
posted by Vieva | 8:26 AM
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